Am I not allowed to..... ?

It was a nice and bright first Wednesday of 2013 and I was all set to start my day on a high and positive note when my maid arrived. I was kind of unhappy with her for having skipped the last two days work. She came in and greeted my with the New Year wishes and then she did the most unexpected thing, she collapsed on the floor with tears in her eyes.

I was taken aback. I have never seen her crib for a single day and here she looked shattered and in tears today. She is a single mother of two girls and stays with her mother after the death of her husband. Her daughters are quite well brought up and well behaved. 

When inquired what happened I realized it was yet another story of women losing confidence in this society. Her first daughter is in her 10^th and my maid is very determined to give her good education even if it means losing a day’s meal. The incident that has shaken her ground concerns her daughter. A guy visited her house on the first day of the New Year to give her the news that he is in love with her daughter and wants to marry her and if rejected he has threatened to kidnap her.  What would happen to a mother if she is threatened that her daughter who is the sole reason for her living will be kidnapped if not handed over to a goon she hasn’t seen all her life. 

She now not knows what to do. The little girl is petrified beyond imagination. She doesn’t want to stay in her house, doesn’t want to study and wants to run away from the daunting situation. The mother is lost as well, she wants to educate her daughter, give her a life that she hasn’t got but now all dreams aspirations seems to be gone.

I am not worried, unhappy or sad but I am Frustrated. We call ourselves citizens of free and independent country, but where is independence and freedom for the women. I don’t want to drag the Delhi bus nightmare again but I have only one question to ask: Is our independence and freedom rationed just because we tick mark the female check box in an application form, just because our creator made us look the way we look.

In a country which is called mother land, every third male wants to strip the women of his country her dignity. What is wrong in this country that is depriving the women the respect, freedom, and a livable environment? Is it the law and order system, the education, the temptations or is this because of the lost self respect of men who are ready to stoop down to any level just to slake their immediate need.

The lady who is in this plight is worried to go to police as well, she is scared as to how they may treat her considering her situation and I understand her completely. How many of us are not apprehensive about going to a police station alone where there are more men whom we don’t know whether to trust or not. We are not even sure whether they would solve the problem or add to it. For that matter even I am not comfortable walking into a government run establishments. I don’t feel safe and secure not because I have read stories but been subjected to the “advantages” the men take there for simple lack of common sense and may be even space. I am not asking for chivalry here but some space and respect for a person who needs it. 

Many of the responsible men who run our country, industries have their counter arguments to the recent happenings saying it’s the women who provoke this. One esteemed lady who runs a state questioned the character of another lady, a mother who was subjected to assault in her state. Does this mean we us women don’t have the free will to do things that anyone else can do? 

Am I not allowed to walk into a police station to give complaint just because I may provoke the gentlemen there by just sitting across a desk? Am I not allowed to go to work because I am worried that someone may mistake my cheerfulness as a signal for them to approach me? Am I not allowed to have my share of fun by watching a movie at whatever time I am free? Am I not allowed to go to school and study because my male teacher might find me attractive and misuse his position? Am I not allowed to party because someone in the party will find me inviting? Am I not allowed to….. well there are a lot of things not just me but a lot of my sisters, mothers, daughters are not allowed to do because a man has a free will to assault her, strip her, eve tease her or even murder her dignity.

What is the mother’s mistake in dreaming big for her daughter? Should the girl leave her aspiration to study and become empowered woman just because an uneducated, unemployed goon likes her?

I may not be able to answer the little girl’s problem completely but my only request to all the female section of the society is to empower yourself so that we are brave enough to defend ourselves in case of emergencies. I request the parents with daughters and sisters to please send your little girls to learn self defense. It may help them some day, please instill confidence in them so that they are not helpless. 

If we could take a leaf from the solution UN found to reduce the number of abuse the UN peace keeping male soldiers did. UN introduced women to the blue helmet peace keepers’ role in Liberia.

In 2004, UN Peacekeepers in three African countries were accused of sexual misconduct. They gave local teenage girls food and money in exchange for sex. In 2005, 47 peacekeepers were accused of such misconduct in Liberia alone, a West African country of about 4 million, adjoining Ivory Coast.

Known as the "Blue Helmets", these women guarded the President office by day and patrolled crime-ridden areas by night. Their presence marked significant change. 

Trained in sophisticated weaponry and combat tactics amongst other skills, the Blue Helmets' foot patrolling by night reduced armed robbery by as much as 65 per cent.

Local women felt safer; children felt safer; and men who were not involved in crime, felt safer. For once, peacekeepers were not considered invaders, which is otherwise a typical response from local communities towards an armed foreign force.

Most importantly, local women felt encouraged to report sexual assault. They knew they would neither be dismissed nor further victimized were they to report rape or other violent crime to the women peacekeepers.

[courtesy: Vandana Kohli’s blog http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/vandanakohli/3381/64188/a-deterrent-to-rape-an-indian-example-abroad.html]

I am aware that many women may be able relate with this blog of mine but I have few cents for men and their families as well. Please teach and learn to respect women around you and not treat them as mere idols of pleasure. It may not be too long before we lose respect for men.